i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
