Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is my gift to your gina
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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