This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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