So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he shaved USA in his pubs
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
