i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
my poor anus
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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