STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
