I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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