God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
