are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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