the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
