my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
40s are totally the cure
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
