How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
