the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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