I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
