Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
