1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
