sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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