nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
