he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize