A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
