I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
