So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
