This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
