I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We are all done wearing pants today
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
