I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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