It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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