I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
