We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
