I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
