There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
