I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
