Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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