I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
