Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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