I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
