im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize