Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize