I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
