she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
did i walk over a car last night?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ladies don't puke and tell
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
