what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
