Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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