2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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