Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
