We're like a lot better than the average bears
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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