Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
