So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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