I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
