Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
