you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
