you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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