I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
