Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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