According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
