Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
