I heard we made out
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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