Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
