i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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