so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
